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Useless Hacker
11-03-2003, 07:28 PM
How do Irishmen forge 10p pieces?

They cut the corners off 50p pieces.

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An Irishman rang Aer Lingus and asked how long it took to fly from Dublin to London.
'Just a minute sir', said the girl on the desk.
'Thank you', said the Irishman and hung up.

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A man walked into a bar and asked the barman if he had heard the latest Irish joke.
'I'm warning you', said the barman, 'I'm an Irishman myself'.
'That's alright, said the man, 'I'll tell it slowly'.

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How do you confuse an Irishman?

Place three shovels against the wall, and tell him to take his pick.

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An Irishman bought a large engagement ring for his girlfriend.
'Ooh', she gasped, 'is it a real diamond?'
'If it's not', said the Irishman, 'I've just been done out of AĴ£1.50'.

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What has an IQ of 144?

A gross of Irishmen.

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Two Irishmen are watching a film. In one scene, John Wayne was riding towards a cliff.
'I bet you AĴ£10 he falls over that cliff', said one Irishman.
'Done', said the second.
Sure enough, John Wayne rode over the cliff.
As the second Irishman handed over his AĴ£10, the first said, 'Actually, I've seen the film before'.
'So have I', said the second, 'but I didn't think he'd be fool enough to make the same mistake twice'.

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An Irishman was on the boat to Holyhead when there was a shout of 'Man overboard'. The Captain shouted 'throw in a buoy', so the Irishman grabbed a little eight-year-old boy and threw him into the water.
'No, you fool', said the Captain, 'I meant a cork buoy'.
'How the heck was I to know what part of Ireland he was from?' roared the Irishman.

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Someone was explaining to an Irishman how nature sometimes compensates for a person's deficiencies.
'For example', he told him, 'if a person is deaf, he may have better sight, and if a man is blind, he may have a better sense of smell'.
'I think I see what you mean', said the Irishman, 'I've often noticed that if a man has one short leg, then the other one is always a bit longer'.

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