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View Full Version : Humo(u)r: Some thoughts by people



Eriken
18-07-2003, 11:45 AM
"Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a
jar of jalapenos
--you never know what's going to burn your ass."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can only please one person per day.
Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good
either.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing
sound they make as they go flying by.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get
along without it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Accept that some days you are the pigeon and most days
the statue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he
isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be
needing him again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't have an attitude problem, you have a
perception problem.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the
sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the
ceiling?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My reality check bounced.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the
escape key.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding
through peanut butter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their
level then beat you with experience.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a
kick in the butt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you
won't be promoted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After any salary raise, you will have less money at
the end of the month than you did before.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The more Crap you put up with, the more Crap you are
going to get.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and
carry a clipboard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it
yourself!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they
shall never cease to be amused.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a
speed bump.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What should you give a woman who has everything? A
man to show her how to work it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How can you tell which bottle contains the PMS
medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap.
_____
Eriken